Couples, married or simply dating, can get into disagreements, feelings can get hurt, and miscommunication can happen. But there’s a clear difference between everyday conflict and behavior that crosses into abuse. Abuse isn’t always obvious. It doesn’t only happen in marriages or long-term relationships; it can occur in dating relationships, situationships, friendships, and even in the very beginning stages of getting to know someone.
Some people imagine abuse as physical harm, but abusive dynamics can show up in ways that are also subtle and confusing. These patterns can chip away at a person’s self-worth, independence, and emotional safety over time. Understanding the types of abuse in relationships can help you learn to recognize the red flags early, support someone you care about, or take steps toward getting help for yourself.
What is abuse?
Abuse is a pattern of behaviors used by one person to gain power or control over another. It can be overt or covert, intentional or rationalized, but the impact can be the same: the victim’s sense of autonomy, safety, and well-being can become compromised.
Abusive behavior can be:
- A single abusive incident
- A gradual build-up of harmful actions over time
- Coercive or controlling behavior
Abuse can often be challenging to recognize when you’re in it. The earlier these patterns are identified, the sooner someone can seek support and begin healing.
What are the types of abuse in relationships?
Below are five common forms of relationship abuse or dating violence, each with examples to help clarify what they may look or sound like.
1. Physical abuse
Physical abuse involves any intentional use of force that causes pain, injury, or fear.
Examples of physical abuse include:
- Hitting, punching, kicking, slapping, biting, or restraining
- Breaking objects, punching walls, or destroying belongings
- Blocking a partner from leaving a room
- Driving recklessly during an argument to scare the partner
Physical abuse can leave physical signs, but not always. Even one incident can be a cause for concern and a reason to seek help.
2. Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse often uses words, manipulation, and psychological tactics to undermine someone’s confidence, sense of self, or emotional stability.
Examples of emotional abuse include:
- Humiliating or belittling comments
- Making someone feel guilty for having needs or boundaries
- Weaponized incompetence
- Threatening to leave, self-harm, or “punishing” the partner during conflict
- Making the partner rely solely on them for emotional validation
- Withholding affection or stonewalling to control behavior
This type of abuse can slowly erode a person’s trust in their own instincts, making it particularly difficult to recognize.
3. Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse occurs when one partner pressures, coerces, manipulates, or forces the other into sexual activity without full consent.
Examples of sexual abuse include:
- Pressuring someone into sexual activity using guilt, threats, or persistence
- Rape
- Unwanted touching or groping
- Sabotaging contraception
Sexual abuse can occur in any relationship, regardless of marital status or length of the relationship.
4. Financial abuse
Financial abuse limits a person’s autonomy and stability by controlling or sabotaging their financial resources.
Examples of financial abuse include:
- Tracking or restricting spending
- Refusing to share access to money or information about finances
- Opening credit cards or loans in the partner’s name
- Stealing money, hiding assets, or moving funds to undisclosed accounts
- Preventing the partner from working or pursuing career opportunities
Since financial abuse can be hidden or gradual, it can go undetected until significant damage has occurred.
5. Mental abuse
Mental abuse involves behaviors that distort someone’s sense of reality, confidence, or ability to make decisions.
Examples of mental abuse include:
- Gaslighting (“You’re imagining things,” “That never happened”)
- Constant criticism or accusations
- Unfounded jealousy
- Verbal threats, name-calling, or explosive outbursts
- Creating an atmosphere of fear, unpredictability, or anxiety
Mental abuse can be intertwined with other types of abuse, such as emotional abuse and verbal abuse. It can be incredibly damaging to a person’s sense of safety and their self-esteem.
Signs someone may be in an abusive relationship
Abuse can be hidden behind closed doors, but there are warning signs or indicators that someone may be struggling:
- Becoming increasingly isolated from friends, family, or hobbies
- Frequently checking in with their partner to “avoid conflict”
- Visible anxiety, nervousness, or fear when their partner calls/messages
- Unexplained injuries or vague explanations for wounds or bruises
- Sudden changes in finances or loss of financial control
- Making excuses for their partner’s behavior
- Showing signs of depression, panic, or feeling “on edge”
- Losing confidence, becoming quiet, or appearing disconnected
Not all signs are obvious, but even subtle patterns may indicate that someone needs professional support.
Domestic abuse resources
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): Visit thehotline.org, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or text “START” to 88788
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Visit rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
- Love Is Respect (for teens and young adults): Visit loveisrespect.org or text “LOVEIS” to 22522
- Local women’s shelters, crisis centers, and advocacy organizations
If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number.
For ongoing support, abuse counseling can provide safety planning, emotional healing, and support for next steps.
Takeaway
Abuse can come in many forms. Some forms are visible, while some may be more subtle. However, all are harmful. Learning the types of abuse in relationships can help you spot red flags, support loved ones, and understand that you deserve safety, respect, and healthy relationships. If you recognize any of these patterns in your relationship or someone else’s, reaching out for help can be a powerful step toward healing.
When you’re ready, a licensed therapist can help you navigate the emotional impact of abuse, rebuild self-esteem, and create a path forward. Find a therapist who fits your needs at findmytherapist.com.