Let’s say you’re having a rough day, maybe feeling overwhelmed or sad, and someone tells you to “just think positive!” While these comments may come from a place of caring, they may leave you feeling worse, invalidated, and more isolated. This is the nature of toxic positivity.

It’s easy to fall into the mindset of believing that positive thinking is always the answer. However, the truth is, forcing ourselves to maintain a constant positive attitude can prevent us from processing difficult emotions. In this blog, we’ll explore the meaning behind toxic positivity and ways to move forward in a healthier, more emotionally honest way.

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is often associated with the belief that no matter how difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s the pressure to stay positive no matter what, even when facing genuine challenges, loss, or pain. Research states that 67% of people feel pressured to appear happy, even when they’re not.

This fake positivity can show up in phrases like, “stay positive” or “be grateful.” While these statements may be well-intentioned, they can make people feel invalidated.

Toxic positivity should not be confused with positive thinking. Enforcing a “good vibes only” mindset can deny the full range of human emotions, which are important to experience.

Genuine optimism vs. toxic positivity

It can be confusing to differentiate between genuine optimism and toxic positivity. Genuine optimism acknowledges challenges while still holding hope for the future. It creates room for both struggle and strength.

Examples of healthy optimism:

  • Accepting and validating difficult emotions
  • Encouraging self-compassion and emotional resilience
  • Holding space for processing grief, anger, and fear
  • Maintaining hope without dismissing current challenges

Examples of toxic positivity:

  • Denying or minimizing negative emotions
  • Shaming you for being “negative“
  • Pressuring you to “move on” quickly
  • Using phrases like “at least…” to dismiss someone’s pain or your own

One of the key differences is that genuine optimism holds space for the full spectrum of human emotion.

Signs of toxic positivity

You may be experiencing toxic positivity, either from others or within yourself, if you notice you are:

  • Feeling guilty or ashamed when you feel sad or angry
  • Avoiding conversations entirely about negative emotions
  • Saying things like, “it could be worse,” to stop talking about your own or others’ pain
  • Feeling pressure to put on a happy face, even when you’re struggling
  • Dismissing your mental health needs because “others have it harder“

Over time, these patterns in thinking can lead to emotional disconnection, social isolation, burnout, shame, and stress. Not allowing yourself or others to express their authentic emotions or concerns can discourage connection and seeking help.

Causes of toxic positivity

So, what causes an overpositive mindset? Causes of toxic positivity can include:

  • Cultural norms: If you were raised to believe that feeling sad or angry is a sign of weakness, you may be more likely to experience toxic positivity.
  • Social media: Social media platforms often portray highly curated, “highlight reel” content. This can lead to feelings of falling short.
  • Fear of vulnerability: For some, it may feel safer to hide behind a positive facade than to be honest about what they’re truly feeling.

Understanding contributing causes of these habits can help to break the cycle and create a more emotionally honest environment.

Where toxic positivity can show up

Toxic positivity can creep up in a variety of different areas of life, including:

  • In the workplace: For example, employers may push for a “positive vibes only” culture that discourages employees from expressing their feelings.
  • In schools: For example, students may feel pressured to stay upbeat despite academic stress, bullying, or personal struggles.
  • Within friends and family dynamics: For example, you may find yourself acting upbeat around others to avoid being a “downer.”

Coping with toxic positivity

If you’ve been dealing with toxic positivity, either from others or your own self-talk, here are a few ways to begin to cope:

  • Acknowledge your emotions: Acknowledge that all of your feelings are valid, even the hard ones.
  • Set boundaries: If you feel like someone in your life is dismissing your emotions, try gently setting boundaries like, “I appreciate that you care, but I need to process these feelings right now.“
  • Use emotional naming: Simply identifying what you feel can help to lessen its grip.
  • Practice self-compassion: Speak to yourself as you would a good friend.
  • Seek spaces for support: Whether through journaling, support groups, or therapy, find environments that feel like a safe space for healing.

Learning to process your emotions

Instead of pushing away hard feelings, create space for them. Emotional processing is a skill, and like any skill, it often gets better with practice. Here are some ways to get started:

Takeaway

When we allow ourselves and others to experience the full range of human emotions, we create space for healing, growth, and connection. This means acknowledging that it’s okay to have bad days, to feel disappointed or sad, and to seek support when we’re struggling.

You deserve to feel seen, heard, and validated. Working with a licensed therapist can help you learn how to cope, process difficult experiences, and build emotional resilience. Visit findmytherapist.com to choose your therapist and schedule your first appointment directly online.