Have you ever questioned your own reality because someone consistently made you doubt your perceptions of how something happened? If so, you may have experienced gaslighting — a form of psychological manipulation that can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and questioning your own sanity.

Whether you’re experiencing gaslighting in a relationship, at work, with a friend, or within a family dynamic, gaslighting can have a lasting impact. In this blog, we’ll explore what gaslighting is, signs of gaslighting, why people gaslight, examples, and what you can do if it’s happening to you.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting, named word of the year in 2022, is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation where someone makes you question your own reality, memories, and perceptions. The word “gaslight” originated from the movie of the same name, in which a woman is manipulated into questioning her own sanity.

When someone gaslights you, they systematically attempt to erode your confidence in your own judgment and replace it with their version of events. The goal of gaslighting is control — creating dependency by undermining your trust in yourself.

While gaslighting has become a standard and popular term for this behavior, other words for similar manipulative tactics include psychological manipulation, reality distortion, mind games, and emotional abuse.

10 signs of gaslighting

Recognizing gaslighting can be challenging when you’re in the midst of it. Here are common signs of gaslighting to watch for:

  1. You constantly second-guess yourself: You feel unsure about what really happened, or start to wonder if you’re overreacting. You may ask yourself, “Did that really happen the way I remember it?“
  2. You feel like nothing you say or do is right: No matter what, you’re always at fault in their eyes, even when you know you’re not at fault.
  3. You feel confused or “crazy”: Persistent doubt makes you question your own sanity.
  4. You find yourself apologizing often: Apologizing often even for things that aren’t your fault.
  5. You struggle to make simple decisions: Your confidence has been so undermined that everyday choices become difficult.
  6. You wonder if you’re being “too sensitive”: This often follows after your feelings have been dismissed repeatedly.
  7. You often make excuses for the gaslighter’s behavior: You may say, “They’re just stressed” or “They didn’t mean it that way.“
  8. You have trouble identifying what’s wrong: The manipulation is so subtle that you struggle to pinpoint the problem.
  9. Your emotions are often invalidated: They call you “too sensitive” or tell you you’re being dramatic or paranoid, even when your concerns are valid.
  10. You feel isolated and exhausted: Over time, you might distance yourself from others, lose your self-confidence, or feel drained from the feeling of walking on eggshells.

Common gaslighting sayings

Words can be powerful, and when used as manipulation, they can slowly chip away at someone’s self-confidence. Common examples of gaslighting phrases include:

  • “That never happened. You’re making things up.“
  • “You’re too sensitive/emotional“
  • “No one will believe you.“
  • “You’re crazy.“
  • “I only did that because you made me.“
  • “If you were paying attention, you’d remember.“
  • “You’re imagining things.“
  • “You always twist my words.“

Recognizing these phrases can help you identify when gaslighting is occurring.

Gaslighting in relationships

Gaslighting can manifest in various ways in relationships. Gaslighting examples in relationships include:

  • “You’re remembering it wrong. I never said that.” (When they did)
  • “You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad.” (Minimizing your feelings)
  • “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t get upset about this.” (Emotional manipulation)
  • “No one else has a problem with me. The issue is you.” (Isolating and blaming)
  • “I was just joking. Can’t you take a joke?” (Backtracking and making you feel unreasonable)

Gaslighting can be associated with narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The connection between a gaslighting narcissist and their victim can be particularly destructive. Narcissists are often skilled at manipulation and use gaslighting to maintain power and avoid accountability. This may involve taking no responsibility for hurtful actions, projecting their own flaws onto you, rewriting history to suit their narrative, or isolating you from supportive friends and family.

Gaslighting in the workplace

Gaslighting at work can be just as damaging to your mental health as in personal relationships. Examples include:

  • A boss taking credit for your ideas then denying you ever shared them.
  • Being told you’re not meeting expectations without specific feedback.
  • Having your accomplishments minimized or ignored.
  • Being set up to fail with impossible deadlines or inadequate resources.

Gaslighting in the workplace often leaves victims feeling incompetent and insecure in their professional abilities, potentially damaging career progression and mental health.

Financial gaslighting

Financial gaslighting is a particularly damaging form of abuse where someone may:

  • Hide financial information from you.
  • Control all money decisions while claiming you’re “bad with money.”
  • Make significant purchases without talking about it first then denying or justifying them.
  • Take your money but denying doing so.

This type of gaslighting can leave victims financially dependent and vulnerable.

Medical gaslighting

Medical gaslighting occurs when healthcare professionals dismiss or minimize patients’ symptoms. Examples of medical gaslighting include:

  • Attributing physical symptoms to anxiety or stress without proper testing.
  • Dismissing pain or symptoms as “all in your head.”
  • Ignoring symptoms that don’t fit a simple diagnosis.
  • Refusing to order appropriate tests or referrals.

Medical gaslighting can delay proper diagnosis and treatment, sometimes with serious health consequences.

Why do people gaslight?

You may wonder, “Why would someone gaslight another person?” While each situation is unique, there are some common reasons why someone would gaslight:

  • To gain control: Gaslighters often want to maintain power in the relationship dynamic and use confusion as a tool to keep others off balance. This can be seen in relationships, including the parent-child relationship.
  • To avoid accountability: It’s easier to deny or blame someone or something else than it is to admit wrongdoing. Gaslighting helps them shift responsibility off themselves.
  • They learned it: Some people who gaslight grew up in manipulative environments and unconsciously adopt these gaslighting behaviors.
  • Underlying mental health issues: Individuals with mental health or personality disorders may be more likely to gaslight others. For example, gaslighting can be linked to narcissism.
  • Insecurity: Some gaslighters feel threatened by others’ confidence and use manipulation as a tactic to feel more secure.

Even though these are common reasons for gaslighting, they do not excuse the behavior. Whether conscious or unconscious, gaslighting can be deeply damaging to one’s mental health.

What does gaslighting do to a person?

The long-term impact of gaslighting can be devastating to one’s mental health. These impacts of gaslighting include:

  • Chronic self-doubt or lack of self-confidence
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Loss of identity
  • Isolation from support networks
  • Difficulty trusting others and yourself
  • Avoiding sharing your feelings out of fear of being judged or shut down
  • Struggles with loneliness or shame

What to do if someone is gaslighting you

If you are feeling gaslit in your relationships, here are 7 things you can do:

  1. Trust your gut feeling: If something feels wrong, it might be.
  2. Keep a record: Document interactions in a journal or on your phone to refer back to when your memory is questioned.
  3. Seek outside perspectives: Confide in trusted friends or family who can validate your experiences from an outside perspective.
  4. Set boundaries: Be firm about what behavior you will and won’t accept.
  5. Use “I” statements: Express how you feel about the situation without accusation.
  6. Plan for safety: If the relationship is abusive, create a safety plan before confronting or leaving.
  7. Consider therapy: A professional, licensed therapist can help you regain perspective, self-confidence, and self-trust.

Ways to deal with gaslighting

Recovery from gaslighting takes time and often requires professional support, whether that be individual therapy or couples therapy. The process typically involves:

  • Acknowledging the manipulation: Recognizing that what happened was real.
  • Rebuilding self-trust: Learning to validate your own perceptions again.
  • Setting boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries in relationships.
  • Healing from trauma: Working through the emotional impact of being gaslit.
  • Creating a support network: Surrounding yourself with people who respect and validate you.

If you are in an unsafe situation and you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

Takeaway

Recognizing gaslighting is the first crucial step toward healing. Whether you’ve experienced this manipulation in a relationship, at work, or in other contexts, remember that your perceptions and feelings are valid. The journey to rebuilding self-trust takes time, but with awareness, support, and compassion for yourself, it is entirely possible to recover.

Remember: the opposite of gaslighting is empowering. While gaslighting seeks to undermine your reality and self-trust, empowerment reinforces your perceptions, validates your feelings, and encourages your autonomy.

If you recognize signs of gaslighting or if you are struggling with low self-esteem or confidence, our network of therapists are here to empower and support you. Choose your therapist at findmytherapist.com and schedule your first appointment directly online.