The school year can bring excitement and growth, but it can also bring challenges. While children are adjusting to new teachers, new classmates, new expectations, and new learning environments, some may also be facing bullying.

Unfortunately, school bullying continues to be a significant concern for many parents. Even as children are learning new subjects and developing new skills, bullying, whether physical, verbal, digital, or relational, can undermine their confidence and impact their mental health. Approximately 1 in 4 students report being bullied during the school year, making it important for parents to learn the signs and know how to respond early and effectively.

What is school bullying?

School bullying refers to unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is often repeated or has the potential to be repeated, and it can impact a child’s emotional, mental, physical, and academic well-being.

Bullying can show up in obvious ways, like hitting or teasing, but it can also be more subtle, such as excluding a child from social groups, spreading rumors, or using passive-aggressive behavior to intimidate or control. Regardless of how it appears, bullying can have lasting emotional and psychological consequences if left unaddressed.

Types of school bullying

Bullying can take many forms, and recognizing the different types can help parents intervene early and effectively.

1. Physical bullying

This can be the most visible type of bullying.

Examples:

  • Hitting, kicking, pushing, tripping
  • Damaging or stealing personal belongings
  • Blocking a child’s path or using physical intimidation

2. Verbal bullying

Words can be powerful and deeply hurtful.

Examples:

  • Insults or name-calling
  • Threats of harm
  • Making fun of a child’s appearance, abilities, or interests

3. Relational bullying

This type of bullying targets a child’s relationships or social status and can be harder for adults to detect.

Examples:

  • Excluding a child from groups or activities
  • Spreading rumors
  • Silent treatment
  • Encouraging peers to ignore or isolate the child

4. Cyberbullying

Bullying that happens through phones, social media, or other online communication.

Examples:

  • Hurtful messages, comments, or DMs
  • Posting embarrassing photos or videos
  • Creating fake profiles
  • Public shaming, group chats, or online exclusion

5. Sibling bullying

While sibling rivalry can be normal, repeated or intentional harm is not.

Examples:

  • Constant belittling or humiliation
  • Physical aggression beyond typical sibling conflict
  • Manipulative or controlling behavior
  • Turning other siblings or family members against one child

Signs your child may be getting bullied

Children don’t always tell their parents when they are being bullied. Sometimes this is out of fear, embarrassment, or worrying that speaking up will make things worse. It can be helpful to keep an eye out for:

  • Sudden changes in mood, especially before or after school
  • Unexplained injuries
  • Avoidance of certain classes, hallways, clubs, or the bus
  • Declining grades or trouble concentrating
  • Loss of interest in friends or activities
  • Requests to stay home from school
  • Frequent headaches or stomachaches
  • Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
  • Missing items or damaged belongings
  • Increased irritability or emotional outbursts
  • Withdrawal, sadness, or low self-esteem

These signs don’t always mean bullying is happening, but they are worth exploring with care and curiosity.

Why do children bully other children?

While it can be easy to assume bullies are just “bad kids,” the truth can be much more complex. Children may bully others for many reasons, including:

  • They are being bullied or mistreated at school or home and are displacing the behavior.
  • They feel powerless in other areas of their lives and use bullying to gain a sense of control.
  • They struggle with emotional regulation, social skills, or empathy.
  • They want social status and believe that bullying will help them fit in or appear “cool.“
  • They are coping with stress, trauma, or big life changes, including divorce, moving, or academic pressures.
  • They imitate behavior they’ve seen from peers, older siblings, or adults.

Understanding the motive doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it can help parents and schools intervene in a way that teaches healthier patterns.

Myths and facts about school bullying

Misinformation about school bullying can make it harder for parents to recognize the warning signs and take action.

Myth #1: “It’s only bullying if the child is physically hurt.“

Fact: Verbal, relational, and cyberbullying can be just as damaging as physical bullying. Words do hurt, and the impact can be long-lasting.

Myth #2: “My child would never be a bully.“

Fact: Kids make mistakes when they learn how to interact with the world. Assuming your child is incapable of bullying behavior can prevent them from getting the support, boundaries, and guidance they need. Acknowledging the possibility can open the door to teaching empathy, responsibility, and healthier communication skills.

Myth #3: “Kids are either bullies or victims. They can’t be both.“

Fact: Children can shift roles depending on the environment. A child who is bullied in one setting may take on the role of the bully in another to gain power or avoid further harm. For example, a playground victim may retaliate through online bullying, or a student who bullied peers in elementary school may become a target when transitioning to middle school.

How to help your child if they are being bullied

If your child shares that they’re being bullied at school, or if you suspect it, your support can matter more than you realize.

  • Stay calm and listen: Create a safe space where your child can feel heard. Let them share their story.
  • Affirm their feelings: Statements like “That sounds really upsetting” or “I’m so glad you told me this” can help validate their experience.
  • Gather details: Ask open-ended questions such as “Who was involved?” or “How often is this happening?“
  • Avoid confrontation with the other child or their family: This can escalate the situation. Instead, coordinate with teachers or school staff who can intervene safely.
  • Document everything: Save screenshots, photos, or written notes describing incidents. Documentation can be helpful if the situation escalates.
  • Meet with the school: Most schools have formal anti-bullying policies. Request a meeting with teachers, school counselors, or administrators.
  • Teach safe responses: Help your child practice safe responses, such as walking away or identifying trusted adults they can go to.
  • Encourage healthy friendships: Positive social connections can help buffer the impact of bullying at school.

Find support for your child

Bullying can affect a child’s self-esteem, mood, and ability to function day-to-day. Therapy can provide a supportive space for children to:

  • Process what happened
  • Rebuild confidence and self-esteem
  • Learn coping skills
  • Improve emotional resilience
  • Develop assertiveness and communication strategies

Parents may also benefit from support on how to reinforce learning these skills at home.

If bullying is impacting your child’s mental health, findmytherapist.com can connect you with a licensed child therapist near you. Both in-person and online therapy options are available.

Takeaway

School bullying is harmful and often more complex than it appears. By understanding the signs, recognizing the different types of school bullying, and knowing how you can respond, you can help protect your child’s emotional well-being and academic success. Early intervention and compassionate support can make a difference. When additional help is needed, therapy can offer tools and healing for both children and families.