Life is a journey with each individual often facing a myriad of emotions and challenges. Whether you’re dealing with signs of stress, anxiety, depression, or trauma, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can provide you with the tools to understand these emotions and create greater emotional balance.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a type of therapy that helps people understand their emotions and improve their connections. Created in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg, this approach focuses on the feelings and bonds that shape how we relate to others. Originally developed for couples, EFT has been adapted to help individuals understand their attachment patterns and build healthier bonds.

Types of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT can be applied to different types of relationships, including:

  • Couples therapy: This is the most well-known form of EFT. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) helps partners break free from negative communication patterns, understand each other’s emotional needs, rebuild trust and intimacy, learn to have difficult conversations, and create a stronger emotional bond.
  • Family therapy: Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) extends the same principles to include children and family members. It can be helpful for families dealing with major life changes, parents struggling to connect with their children, siblings who can’t stop fighting, blended families learning to come together, and families affected by trauma or grief and loss.
  • Individual therapy: Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) can be incredibly helpful for individuals. EFT can help you understand your attachment style, heal from past relationship wounds, develop better emotional awareness, and prepare for healthier relationships

The three stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy

Stage 1: De-escalation

The first stage of Emotionally Focused Therapy is about identifying negative patterns and breaking the cycles that are keeping you stuck. Your EFT therapist will help you:

  • Identify your triggers
  • Understand the emotions driving your behaviors
  • Recognize patterns
  • Learn to pause and respond
  • Create a safer emotional environment for communication

What this looks like in practice: Instead of getting defensive when your partner brings up a concern, you learn to take a breath and think, “What are they really trying to tell me about their needs?“

In EFT therapy, therapists guide clients through identifying triggers and emotional responses, teaching them to recognize and de-escalate negative interaction patterns. By understanding emotions and needs, individuals can learn to communicate more effectively.

Stage 2: Restructuring

This stage emphasizes sharing needs and experiences to strengthen relationships. This stage focuses on:

  • Expressing your deeper emotions and needs
  • Learning to be vulnerable in a safe way
  • Understanding the inner worlds of the people around you
  • Creating new, more positive communication patterns
  • Building empathy and emotional responsiveness skills

What this can look like in practice: You may learn to say, “When you don’t respond to my texts, I feel that I’m not important to you” instead of “You never pay attention to me.“

Restructuring focuses on reshaping the emotional bonds and interaction patterns within relationships. Through structured exercises and dialogue, individuals and couples explore deeper emotional experiences and vulnerabilities. Therapists help clients reframe negative perceptions and behaviors, fostering mutual understanding and empathy.

Stage 3: Consolidation

The final stage is about integrating your new understanding and skills into your daily life. You’ll work on:

  • Practicing new communication skills in real-life situations
  • Planning how to handle future challenges
  • Building confidence
  • Creating habits

What this can look like in practice: You might practice being vulnerable with a trusted friend, setting healthy boundaries with family members, or approaching dating with your new understanding of what you need in a relationship.

Consolidation focuses on integrating insights gained during therapy into daily lives, practicing new communication skills and maintaining emotional connections. Consolidation aims to reinforce changes and sustain healthier relationship dynamics over time.

Benefits of Emotionally Focused Therapy

Research shows that EFT is highly effective, and when applied individually, it can create significant changes in how you experience relationships. Here are some of the benefits of EFT therapy:

  • Greater self-awareness: Understand your emotions, triggers, and relationship patterns on a deeper level.
  • Improved emotional regulation: Learn to manage feelings without pushing others away or shutting down.
  • Increased self-compassion: Develop a kinder, more understanding relationship with yourself.
  • Enhanced emotional connection: Improve intimacy and strengthen emotional bonds.
  • Effective conflict resolution: Learn tools to address conflicts constructively to find mutual solutions.
  • Improved communication skills: Enhance communication skills by promoting openness, empathy, and understanding.
  • Greater relationship satisfaction: Increase satisfaction and fulfillment within relationships.
  • Emotional healing: Heal from past emotional wounds and develop secure attachment styles.

Taking the first step toward healthier relationships

Starting therapy can feel vulnerable, but remember that seeking help is a sign of strength. Recognizing that you want to change your relationship patterns and create healthier connections takes courage.

Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a path toward understanding yourself and developing a more secure attachment style that leads to more fulfilling relationships. Whether you’re in a relationship and want to work on patterns or you’re healing from anxiety or trauma, EFT can provide the insights and tools you need to feel better soon.

The journey toward healthier relationships starts with understanding yourself. With the right support, you can heal from past wounds and create the meaningful connections that make life feel truly fulfilling. To find an EFT-trained therapist in our network, use our therapist-finding tool at findmytherapist.com, filter your search by “Approaches” and select “Emotionally Focused Therapy” or “Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.”