Life is a journey, and each individual often faces a myriad of emotions and challenges. Whether you’re dealing with signs of stress, anxiety, depression, or trauma, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can provide you with the tools to understand these emotions and create greater emotional balance.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a humanistic, evidence-based approach that helps people understand their emotions and improve their connections. Created in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg, this approach focuses on the feelings and bonds that shape how we relate to others. Originally developed for couples, EFT has been adapted to help individuals understand their attachment patterns and build healthier bonds.

Is Emotionally Focused Therapy effective?

Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the most well-researched approaches to strengthening emotional bonds and improving overall relationship satisfaction. Numerous studies support its effectiveness across individuals, couples, and families. Research shows that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery after completing EFT, and 90% show significant improvement in their relationship satisfaction. Additional studies have found that EFT not only reduces relationship distress but also helps decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression.

One of the reasons EFT can be so effective is that it targets the underlying emotional patterns that shape how we connect with others. By strengthening emotional safety and responsiveness, EFT can create long-lasting change. For individuals, EFT has been shown to improve self-awareness, reduce emotional reactivity, and increase secure attachment.

Emotionally Focused Therapy and Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is at the foundation of EFT. Developed by John Bowlby, attachment theory explains how our early relationships shape the way we connect, communicate, and handle emotional needs. EFT uses this framework to help people understand why they react the way they do within their relationships.

In EFT, your therapist may help you explore your attachment style, whether you tend to be more anxious, avoidant, or securely attached. EFT can help you understand the emotions driving these attachment styles. When you recognize these patterns, you can begin to respond rather than react, building healthier emotional bonds.

Types of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT can be applied to different types of relationships, including:

  • Couples therapy: This is the most well-known form of EFT. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) helps partners break free from negative communication patterns, understand each other’s emotional needs, rebuild trust and intimacy, learn to have difficult conversations, and create a stronger emotional bond.
  • Family therapy: Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) extends the same principles to include children and family members. It can be helpful for families dealing with major life changes, parents struggling to connect with their children, siblings who can’t stop fighting, blended families learning to come together, and families affected by trauma or grief and loss.
  • Individual therapy: Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) can be incredibly helpful for individuals. EFT can help you understand your attachment style, heal from past relationship wounds, develop better emotional awareness, and prepare for healthier relationships.

Benefits of Emotionally Focused Therapy

Research shows that EFT is highly effective, and when applied individually, it can create significant changes in how you experience relationships. Here are some of the benefits of EFT therapy:

  • Greater self-awareness: Understand your emotions, triggers, and relationship patterns on a deeper level.
  • Improved emotional regulation: Learn to manage feelings without pushing others away or shutting down.
  • Increased self-compassion: Develop a kinder, more understanding relationship with yourself.
  • Enhanced emotional connection: Improve intimacy and strengthen emotional bonds.
  • Effective conflict resolution: Learn tools to address conflicts constructively to find mutual solutions.
  • Improved communication skills: Enhance communication skills by promoting openness, empathy, and understanding.
  • Greater relationship satisfaction: Increase satisfaction and fulfillment within relationships.
  • Emotional healing: Heal from past emotional wounds and develop secure attachment styles.

The three stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy

Stage 1: De-escalation

The first stage of Emotionally Focused Therapy is about identifying negative patterns and breaking the cycles that are keeping you stuck. Instead of reacting automatically, you begin to recognize what triggers you, what emotions you’re feeling, and how those emotions influence your behavior. Your EFT therapist will help you slow down, see these patterns more clearly, and create a calmer environment where communication feels safer.

What this looks like in real life: Instead of getting defensive when your partner brings up a concern, you pause and think, “What are they really trying to tell me about their needs?” This shift helps you respond with understanding instead of reacting out of stress.

Stage 2: Restructuring

This stage emphasizes sharing needs and experiences to strengthen relationships. It’s about learning to be vulnerable in a safe environment, better understanding the emotions of the people around you, and building healthier communication patterns. You’ll practice expressing yourself in ways that invite connection rather than conflict.

What this looks like in real life: You might say, “When I don’t hear back from you, I feel unimportant,” instead of, “You never pay attention to me.” This can open the door for more empathy and healthier conflict resolution.

Stage 3: Consolidation

The final stage helps you take everything you’ve learned in therapy and apply it to your daily life.. This is where you build confidence in your new communication skills, create healthier habits, and plan for how to handle future challenges with more clarity and emotional awareness. The goal is to strengthen the positive changes you’ve made so they last long after EFT therapy.

What this looks like in real life: You may start practicing being more vulnerable with close friends, set boundaries with family members, or approach dating with a clearer understanding of your emotional needs and relationship patterns.

What to expect in Emotionally Focused Therapy

If you’re new to EFT, knowing what to expect can help you feel more comfortable, prepared, and informed. Here’s what you can expect:

  • Understanding your patterns: Your therapist will help you identify the emotional cycles that keep you feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or misunderstood, either within yourself or in relationships.
  • Exploring emotions in a safe, structured way: Your therapist will gently guide you through your emotional experiences so you can better understand your triggers, fears, and unmet needs.
  • Practicing new ways of responding: As you learn more about your thoughts and emotions, you’ll practice expressing these emotions and your needs more clearly.
  • Integrating new skills into your daily life: You’ll learn new communication skills, emotional regulation skills, and self-awareness tools to help you in real-life situations.

EFT therapy sessions often feel warm, collaborative, and validating. They focus on understanding and healing.

Things to consider

Emotionally Focused Therapy can be helpful, but it may not be the ideal approach for everyone. While EFT is highly effective, it isn’t a quick fix. Meaningful changes often unfold over time, and clients need to be committed to the therapeutic process.

Additionally, because EFT works at the emotional level, sessions may surface strong or vulnerable feelings, which your therapist will help you navigate. In some circumstances, therapists may integrate other treatment approaches before or alongside EFT. This is to ensure the best possible outcome tailored to your needs. If you’re unsure whether EFT is the right fit for you, a licensed therapist can help guide you in the right direction.

Taking the first step toward healthier relationships

Starting therapy can feel vulnerable, but remember that seeking help is a sign of strength. Recognizing that you want to change your relationship patterns and create healthier connections takes courage.

Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a path toward understanding yourself and developing a more secure attachment style. Whether you’re in a relationship and want to work on patterns or you’re healing from anxiety or trauma, EFT can provide the insights and tools you need to feel better soon.

The journey toward healthier relationships starts with understanding yourself. With the right support, you can heal from past wounds and create the meaningful connections. To find an EFT-trained therapist in our network, use our therapist-finding tool at findmytherapist.com, filter your search by “Approaches” and select “Emotionally Focused Therapy” or “Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.”