So often when we reach out for help with our life and our feelings, we tend to focus on what isn’t working and how we would like to fix it. This is natural. The “fix it” mentality is built into the fabric of our culture and our lives. Painful feelings and experiences do just what they are supposed to do – capture our attention. However, what we often overlook is that underneath the desire to “fix” our lives is the desire to be happy, feel resilient, feel alive, connect, and be engaged with others in a meaningful way. While working on what isn’t working in our lives, we very often miss out on noticing what is “not wrong.”

The rise of positive psychology

There has been an increasing focus in modern therapy on strengths-based and positive psychology approaches to healing. These focus on elements like savoring the little pleasures in life and holistic approaches which take into account the whole person. While a focus on developing happiness in Western philosophy goes back as far as the teachings of Aristotle, interest in the topic of happiness didn’t develop in Western psychology until the 1980s. Prior to this time, there was generally an intense focus on negative emotions and mental illness in the field of psychology.

Integrating positive psychology and emotional resilience in mental health practices

Interest in positive psychology took a leap forward when Buddhism was introduced to the West. It emphasized a focus on mindfulness and developing positive mind states. As mindfulness-informed approaches became introduced into the field of psychology treatment and research, the concept has exploded with new interventions based in mindfulness. Many of them are focused on generating well-being, positive feelings, and wisdom.

Many psychologists have studied with meditation and mindfulness masters. For example, Jon Kabat-Zinn (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction), Marsha Linehan (who developed DBT for emotion regulation), Kristin Neff and Chris Germer (Mindful Self-Compassion), and Rick Hanson. These psychologists have discovered that by creating a foundation of directing attention, self-care, self-compassion, and learning to “water the seeds of joy,” it is much easier to handle the stress of life and the challenges that confront us.

How can we develop emotional resilience?

Mindfulness-informed psychologists have developed many ways to build resilience, happiness, and well-being. For example, start the day with a positive intention. Creating a strong, positive intention at the beginning of the day can create a container for the ups and downs that a day can bring. We can take time before we rise to set an intention that aligns with our values.

Another approach is to start the day with self-compassion. Compassion-focused therapist and researcher Paul Gilbert created a process he calls “compassion under the duvet.” He emphasizes cultivating your “compassionate self” upon waking in the morning and before rising from your bed.

“Compassion under the duvet”

  1. Take a few moments to simply breathe: Breathe slowly and easily. Choose a pace that is comfortable for you. For example, breathe in for a count of 3-4, and then breathe out for a count of 3-4.
  2. Welcome yourself to your new day: Mentally welcome yourself to the start of this new day in the way you would welcome a good friend. Adopt a gentle half- smile and use a warm, friendly inner tone of voice. For example, you might say to yourself, “Good morning, Susan! I’m so glad to be spending this day with you!”
  3. Use your imagination to outline the day you wish to have: You might spend a few minutes imagining how your day might look practicing warmth, friendliness, and compassion toward yourself and others. Imagine the way you would feel, and consider the way others would respond to you.
  4. Repeat this process every day: This is a technique that builds on itself! The more you practice it, the more you increase your chances of having a positive day.

Other tips for creating a positive mindset

Beyond the “compassion under the duvet” process, here are other tips that may help to create a positive mindset:

  • Savoring (from mindful self-compassion): Take time each day to “stop and smell the roses.” Enjoy the first cup of tea in the morning. Taking time to really appreciate these moments builds a sense of wellbeing that helps to cushion us from the inevitable difficult times.
  • Take in the good (from mindfulness and positive psychology): We tend to overlook the many good things that happen each day. For example, a smile from a stranger or a hug from a loved one. So, when we encounter something positive, we can take in these good experiences by deliberately pausing for 5-10 seconds. When we pause to take in the good, we begin to rewire our brains to notice the good.
  • Create a pleasant events list (from DBT): These pleasant events can be as simple as taking a drive to enjoy the fall colors or going outside to take in the beauty of the sky. Building pleasant events and activities into our days help build positive mind states that can support our mental health.
  • Loving-kindness informal practice (from mindful self-compassion): Loving-kindness meditation can encourage a balanced, caring attitude toward ourselves and others. Creating a sense of inner warmth can balance out feelings of distress, anger, fear, and burnout. Find detailed instructions for loving-kindness meditation.
  • Half-smiling (from DBT): The act of bringing a small, gentle smile to your face during times of distress helps to cultivate a feeling of calm. You can use this technique at any time you feel distress. You can also practice half-smiling throughout the day to build a sense of well-being.
  • Gratitude list: Get in the habit of writing a short gratitude list at the end of each day. Simply pausing to write down just three things we are grateful for at the end of the day can increase feelings of well-being.

Summary

As Zen teacher Cheri Huber has often said, “The quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention.” We can take advantage of this dynamic by deliberately noticing and appreciating the good that already exists in our lives and beginning to deliberately cultivate more opportunities for bringing this good into our lives.

Included below are some additional resources for building resilience. If you feel it would be helpful to work with a mindfulness or positive psychology professional, visit findmytherapist.com.

Additional Resources