In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in our own lives and forget to reach out to the people we care about. But checking in on your friends, especially when it comes to their mental health, is important. You never know who might be struggling silently. A simple conversation can often make a huge difference.

In this blog, we’ll walk you through the signs that you may need to check in on your friend, questions you can ask to open up meaningful dialogue, and 10 actionable ways to support your friends’ mental well-being.

Why checking in on your friends matters

Loneliness, depression, anxiety, and stress often go unnoticed. Many people feel uncomfortable opening up about their struggles unless someone takes the first step. A few minutes of your time could offer your friend the support they need to start healing or seek professional help.

Signs you may need to check in on your friend

Sometimes it’s obvious when a friend is struggling. Other times, the signs are subtle. Here are signs you might want to look for when considering checking in on your friends:

  • Withdrawal from social activities: If your friend suddenly stops attending events, responding to messages, or engaging with their usual interests, it could be a red flag.
  • Changes in mood or behavior: Look for signs of irritability, sadness, anger, or emotional numbness. If they seem unusually distant or on edge, it’s worth checking in.
  • Neglecting responsibilities: Missing work or school, neglecting personal hygiene, or falling behind on tasks they used to manage well can indicate deeper issues.
  • Expressions of hopelessness or worthlessness: Pay attention to statements that hint at despair or low self-esteem, even if they seem offhanded or disguised under humor.
  • Changes in appearance: Noticeable changes in weight, energy levels, or habits may be signs of mental health challenges.
  • Increased involvement in harmful habits: Increased reliance on substances like alcohol, drugs, or other harmful coping mechanisms can be a sign that someone is struggling.

Being aware of these signs can help you recognize when checking in on your friends is not just thoughtful but necessary.

Questions to ask when checking in on your friends

Starting the conversation can feel awkward, but it’s better to be a little uncomfortable than to regret not speaking up. Here are some helpful questions to gently check in:

  • “Hey, I’ve noticed you seem a bit different lately. How are you doing?”
  • “Is there anything on your mind you’d like to talk about?”
  • “I’ve been thinking about you. How have you been feeling?”
  • “Is there anything you’re struggling with that I can help you with?”
  • “Sometimes life can feel overwhelming. Do you want to vent or just chat for a bit?”
  • “Are you getting enough support right now?”
  • “Would it help if we spent some time together soon?” 

Keep your tone gentle and your body language open. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can make all the difference.

Questions to ask when checking in on your friends.

10 ways to check-in on your friends

Beyond simply asking questions, there are many practical ways you can show your support when checking in on your friends. Here are 10 ideas to help you check-in on your friends:

  1. Send a thoughtful text: A quick “Thinking of you, how are you doing?” message can open the door to a deeper conversation.
  2. Plan to hang out: Invite your friend for coffee, a walk, or another low-pressure activity where they might feel more comfortable opening up.
  3. Share resources: If your friend expresses struggles, offer helpful resources like therapy directories, mental health apps, or hotlines, without being pushy.
  4. Offer specific ways to help them: Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer something concrete: “I can bring you dinner tomorrow if that would help.”
  5. Check in regularly: Consistency matters. Make it a habit to reach out periodically, even if it’s just a photo with shared meaning, an inside joke, or a brief message.
  6. Try to be a good listener: When your friend opens up, resist the urge to fix or judge. Sometimes, they just need someone to hear them without offering solutions.
  7. Celebrate small wins: If your friend shares a success, no matter how small, celebrate it with them. Positive reinforcement can be incredibly uplifting.
  8. Send a care package: Sometimes a small gift — like their favorite snack, a cozy candle, or a handwritten note — can provide comfort.
  9. Respect their boundaries: Some people need time before they are ready to talk. Let your friend know you’re available whenever they’re ready, without pressuring them.
  10. Encourage professional help: If your friend’s struggles seem persistent or are interfering with daily life, encourage them to connect with a licensed mental health professional.

How to follow up after the initial conversation

Checking in on your friends doesn’t end with a single conversation. Consistent, compassionate follow-up is key to showing you truly care and supporting their mental health journey over time. Here’s how to follow up with your loved ones in a thoughtful, meaningful way:

  • Schedule a specific time to check back in with them: At the end of your first conversation, suggest setting a time to talk again. It could be a simple text next week or grabbing coffee together. Saying something like, “Would you mind if I checked in again next week?” helps keep the lines of communication open.
  • Send a simple text or message: A quick, genuine message can go a long way. Try sending a text like, “Hey, just thinking of you today. How are you feeling?” Consistency shows you’re a safe, reliable presence.
  • Offer to do activities together: If they’re feeling isolated, suggest low-pressure activities you can do together. This could be as simple as running an errand together. Shared experiences can make ongoing conversations feel more natural and less formal.

Supporting a friend with mental health struggles can be emotionally heavy. Make sure you’re also checking in on your own mental well-being. Lean on your own support system if needed and set healthy emotional boundaries.

What to do if your friend doesn’t want to talk

Not everyone will feel ready to open up when you check in — and that’s okay. The important thing is that they know you care. Continue checking in periodically without overwhelming them. Sometimes, just knowing someone is there makes a big difference, even if they aren’t ready to talk right away.

Resources to share to support your loved ones

When you’re checking in on your friends, offering helpful resources can provide them with tools to navigate their mental health journey. Here are some trusted apps, hotlines, and resources you can share:

Takeaway

Mental health struggles often thrive in silence. Checking in on your friends can break that silence and offer them a vital lifeline. It’s a powerful reminder that they are seen, valued, and loved. Whether through a simple message, a heartfelt conversation, or regular support, your actions can have an immeasurable impact. In a world where many people are fighting battles we often can’t see, let’s make checking in a regular and compassionate part of friendship.

If you’re struggling with symptoms of anxiety or depression, our network of therapists are here to support you. Choose your therapist at findmytherapist.com and schedule your first appointment online.