When we think of parallel play, it’s often associated with children sitting side by side, each doing their own activity. What many people may not realize is that parallel play isn’t just for childhood; it can also be deeply meaningful in adult relationships. Whether you’re living with a partner, sharing an apartment with a friend, or spending time with family, engaging in parallel play can nurture connection while respecting individuality.
There can be a lot of pressure to constantly interact, talk, or entertain one another. But sometimes, comforting moments can come from the ease of simply being together while doing your own thing. Understanding the role of parallel play for adults can shed light on new ways to feel close, strengthen relationships, and support mental health.
What is parallel play?
Parallel play is when two people share the same physical space while focusing on their own separate activities or hobbies. Instead of cooperative play, where people engage in the same activity together, parallel play is more about companionship in coexistence. For adults, this may look like:
- Reading separate books on the couch together
- Working on different hobbies at the same table
- Drawing while the other person plays music nearby
- Playing a video game while your partner journals
The emphasis is on being near one another while each person is engaged in their individual interests. The act of presence itself can become a quiet form of bonding.
The psychology behind parallel play
From a developmental perspective, parallel play is considered an early stage of social interaction for children. It can help kids learn how to interact with others, observe their behaviors, and develop comfort with social interactions. As a stepping stone toward more complex social interactions and improved communication skills, parallel play remains valuable across the lifespan.
In adulthood, the psychological benefits of parallel play are connected to a boost in your sense of connection. It allows people to maintain independence while still enjoying the closeness of one another. This balance can be supportive for people who:
- Thrive on individual expression but also want companionship
- Feel drained after constant interaction and value quiet presence
- Are neurodiverse, including individuals with autism or ADHD, who may find social interaction overwhelming at times
Parallel play creates an environment where relationships don’t have to rely on constant engagement for connection. Instead, it emphasizes the comfort of nonverbal connection and the reassurance that simply being together is enough.
Benefits of parallel play for adults in relationships
Making space for parallel play in your daily life can support mental health and strengthen your connection with loved ones. Some benefits include:
- Reducing pressure in relationships: Not every moment with a partner or friend needs to be filled with conversation. Parallel play removes the expectation of constant engagement, allowing both people to relax.
- Supporting emotional regulation: Parallel play can help calm the nervous system. For those who feel overstimulated by social demands, this kind of shared quiet time can be grounding.
- Encouraging independence within connection: Healthy relationships may thrive when each person feels free to explore their own interests. Parallel play celebrates individuality while still prioritizing togetherness.
- Strengthening nonverbal intimacy: Simply existing together in the same space can create a sense of safety, intimacy, and bonding.
- Providing flexibility: For neurodivergent couples or people, parallel play can make socializing less overwhelming. Instead of having the pressure of navigating constant back-and-forth dialogue, parallel play offers a way to connect that can feel sustainable.
Examples of parallel play
Parallel play for adults can be found in simple, everyday moments. Here are some examples of how it might look in relationships:
- One person paints while the other writes in a journal
- Sitting on a park bench, one person listens to music while the other sketches
- Watching a movie while your partner works on a crossword puzzle
- Each person working on their own art or craft project in the same room
- Reading separately before bed, side by side
The commonality here is presence. Even though the activities are not exactly the same, there’s comfort in sharing space together.
How therapy can help you and your relationship
Parallel play is a reminder that connection doesn’t always come from doing the same thing. You and your partner may have different hobbies, interests, or ways of spending downtime. Just because you don’t share all of the same interests doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t strong.
Sometimes, though, having differences in how partners want to connect with each other can cause conflict. One person may want to spend more quality time doing shared activities, while the other person may want more moments for independent hobbies. Working with a licensed therapist can help you:
- Explore your needs for space, connection, and independence
- Learn communication strategies to talk openly and compassionately about what works for each of you
- Recognize how practices like parallel play can support your relationship
- Build confidence in your relationship
Therapy provides a safe space to unpack differences and strengthen your connection. It can help you and your partner see that having separate interests, or enjoying quiet time together, can be valuable.
Takeaway
Parallel play for adults is more than just a concept for children; it’s a reminder that connection doesn’t always require conversation or shared activity. For some people, sitting in silence with someone they trust can be one of the most bonding and grounding experiences.
Making room for parallel play in relationships can support both mental health and emotional well-being. Whether you’re navigating the balance of independence and closeness or simply craving moments of quiet companionship, this kind of play is a gentle way to feel close without pressure.
If you’re curious about exploring new ways of connecting or want support in understanding your relationships, consider reaching out for therapy. A licensed therapist can help you navigate your needs for connection, independence, and balance. Visit findmytherapist.com to start exploring therapists near you and online.