When you realize that you’re always the one reaching out, always the one making plans, and always the one putting in the effort, you may be experiencing a one sided friendship. These friendships can leave you feeling drained, undervalued, and unappreciated as a friend.

One sided friendships can happen to anyone. Whether it’s a longtime companion who has gradually pulled away or a newer friend who just isn’t reciprocating your energy, these imbalanced friendships may take a toll on your mental health and self-esteem. Understanding what these friendships look like and how to navigate them is important to building meaningful connections.

What is a one sided friendship?

A one sided friendship occurs when one person consistently invests more time, energy, and emotional effort into the friendship than the other person. While all friendships naturally have some give and take, with periods where one person might need more support than the other, a one sided friendship is characterized by a persistent imbalance where one person is frequently the giver and the other is frequently the taker.

In a one sided friendship, reciprocity is often absent. You may find yourself always being the one to initiate plans, always being the shoulder to cry on, or always needing to be available when your friend needs something, while receiving little to nothing in return.

It’s important to understand that friendship is a two-way street. Just like any meaningful relationship, friendships require effort, respect, and care from both individuals to thrive. When this balance is missing, it can create feelings of resentment, stress, and feelings of unworthiness in the person who’s doing all the giving.

Signs of a one sided friendship

Recognizing the signs of a one sided friendship can be challenging, especially when you care deeply about the other person. However, there are several red flags that may indicate your friendship is one sided:

  • You’re always the initiator: If you’re constantly the one reaching out via text, making phone calls, or suggesting plans, this can be a sign of imbalance. In healthy friendships, both people contribute to efforts to stay connected.
  • Your friend only contacts you when they need something: Whether it’s venting to you, asking for a favor, or wanting emotional support, if your friend is only reaching out to you when they want something from you, this may indicate a toxic friendship.
  • They’re consistently unavailable for your needs: When you’re going through a tough time or need support, they always have excuses. They’re too busy, too stressed, or just too preoccupied to be there for you. However, they often expect you to drop everything when they need help.
  • Conversations seem to revolve around them: Every conversation seems to center on their problems, their achievements, their drama, or their life. When you try to share something about yourself, they quickly redirect the conversation back to themselves or seem disinterested.
  • They cancel plans frequently: While everyone needs to cancel occasionally, if your friend consistently cancels plans with you, especially at the last minute or for seemingly trivial reasons, it shows they may not prioritize the friendship.
  • You feel drained after spending time with them: Healthy friendships should generally leave you feeling good, supported, and energized. If you consistently feel emotionally drained, exhausted, or down after interactions with your friend, this can be a red flag.

One-sided friendship red flags.

How to know if your friendship is one sided

If you’re questioning whether your friendship is balanced, take some time to honestly evaluate the relationship. Knowing if you have a real friend involves looking at overall patterns of your interactions rather than focusing on isolated incidents. Ask yourself:

  • Who usually initiates contact?
  • When you make plans, who typically suggests them?
  • When you’re talking, who does most of the sharing, and who does most of the listening?
  • Do you feel comfortable sharing your problems and concerns with this person?
  • Do they show genuine interest in your life?
  • When you’ve needed help, advice, or just someone to talk to, was your friend available and willing to listen?
  • Are you always the one providing support without receiving it in return?
  • Do you look forward to spending time with this person, or do you feel obligated?
  • Do you feel appreciated and valued, or do you feel taken for granted?

How to handle a one sided friendship

Once you’ve identified that you’re in a one sided friendship, you have options for how you can proceed. Here are a few tips to handle a one sided friendship:

  • Communicate your concerns directly: Sometimes, people just are not aware of the imbalance in their friendship. Consider having an honest conversation with your friend about how you’re feeling. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without attacking them. For example, “I have been feeling like I’m always the one reaching out, and I’d love for us to have more balanced communication.“
  • Set boundaries: If direct communication doesn’t lead to change, or if you’re not comfortable having that conversation, start setting boundaries. This might mean not always being available whenever they call, not immediately responding to their messages when you’re busy, or not always being there to help with every request they have.
  • Adjust your expectations: Sometimes accepting that a friendship has limitations can help maintain a connection without feeling resentful. If you enjoy certain aspects of your friendship but recognize it will never be truly balanced, you may choose to keep it as more of a casual friendship rather than a best friendship. This may allow you to focus on investing your energy in more reciprocal friendships.
  • Take a step back: Gradually reducing your investment in the friendship can help you protect your emotional energy. This doesn’t mean being cold or rude, or using distance as a punishment for the friendship, but rather matching their level of effort.
  • Focus on building other friendships: Make sure you’re also investing time and energy into other friendships that may be more balanced. This can help you feel less dependent on the unbalanced friendship for social connections.

How to end a one sided friendship

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a friendship breakup becomes necessary. Emotionally unhealthy friendships can drain your energy, damage your self-esteem, and prevent you from forming other connections. If you’ve tried to address the imbalance and nothing has changed, it may be time to consider ending the friendship.

For some friendship breakups, a gradual fade-out might be appropriate. This could involve slowly reducing contact, not initiating conversations, and becoming less available. For closer friendships or situations where a gradual fade-out doesn’t seem possible, you may need to have a more direct conversation. You don’t need to list all the ways they’ve disappointed you. Instead, focus on your need to prioritize other relationships and commitments. While this can be very challenging, it’s sometimes necessary for protecting your mental health.

Taking care of yourself after a friendship breakup

A friendship breakup can be emotionally challenging, and it’s important to give yourself space to process your feelings. Just like with romantic relationship breakups, losing a friend can trigger feelings like grief, sadness, anger, and confusion. Here are a few ways you can take care of yourself after a friendship breakup:

  • Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up without judgment: It’s normal to feel sad about losing someone who was important to you.
  • Focus on self-care: This might include spending time with supportive friends and family, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, prioritizing getting enough sleep, and taking care of your physical health. Consider this an opportunity to reinvest the energy you were putting into the one sided friendship into activities and relationships that energize you.
  • Consider seeking professional support: If you’re struggling to process a friendship breakup, seeking the support of a licensed therapist can help. Mental health professionals can help you work through your feelings and develop coping strategies for building the foundation for better friendships in the future.

Losing a one sided friendship can make room for better connections. While you may feel lonely initially, ending unhealthy friendships can create space in your life for people who truly value and appreciate you.

Takeaway

Recognizing and addressing one sided friendships is an important part of building a healthy social life and protecting your well-being. It can be difficult to acknowledge that a friendship isn’t serving you. However, it’s important to remember that you deserve relationships where your care and effort are reciprocated. Friendship is a two-way street, and healthy connections require mutual respect, support, and investment from both people.

By setting standards for how you want to be treated in friendships and being willing to enforce those standards, you create the foundation for meaningful, lasting connections that truly enrich your life. You deserve friends who celebrate your successes, support you through challenges, and value your presence in their lives just as much as you value theirs.