As the holidays approach, twinkling lights and cheerful music often fill public spaces. For many who are grieving, this season can feel overwhelming or isolating. While some people gather in celebration, others may experience a deep sense of absence — missing a loved one who won’t be there this year. Whether your loss was recent or years ago, the holidays can magnify feelings of pain and longing.
Grief during the holidays can bring a mix of emotions such as guilt, anger, numbness, or sadness. Studies suggest grief does not follow a fixed timeline, and there is no single way to cope during the holidays. This blog provides supportive insights and ideas you may find helpful as you move through this season with compassion for yourself.
Why grief during the holidays feels so difficult
The holidays often come with expectations of togetherness, happiness, and tradition. When someone you love has passed away, those expectations can feel painfully out of sync with reality. The contrast between what was and what is now may intensify grief. Some reasons this season may feel especially hard include:
- Holiday traditions that now feel painful
- Increased social events or obligations that feel overwhelming
- Pressure to appear appreciative and joyful
- More time for reflection, which can bring up emotional memories
Facing the first holiday season after a loss
The first holiday season after a loss can feel like walking into unknown territory. You may not know how to plan, what to say, or whether to continue or change traditions. If you’re in your first year of grieving, some people find it helpful to:
- Lower your expectations: Give yourself permission to do less.
- Be flexible with yourself: It’s okay to change your mind about attending a gathering or starting a new tradition.
- Communicate your needs: Let friends or family know whether you want space, company, or quiet support.
- Include your loved one in some way: Light a candle, share a story, or prepare their favorite dish to honor them. Honoring them may help you feel connected.
Coping with loss during the holiday season
There’s no right or wrong way to cope with grief and loss, but there are coping strategies that may help you feel more supported:
- Be honest about how you feel: You don’t need to pretend to be cheerful if you’re struggling.
- Set boundaries: Say no to events or conversations that feel draining.
- Practice self-care: Whether it’s taking a walk, journaling, or just resting, take care of your emotional needs.
- Seek quiet moments: Amid the bustle, carve out space to just be with your feelings, emotions, and memories.
- Lean on your support system: Reach out to friends, family, or a licensed therapist who may provide comfort and understanding.
Navigating holiday traditions after a loss
Traditions can feel overwhelming after a loss. You may be wondering whether to continue them, skip them, or create something entirely new. Some people continue them for comfort, while others pause or create new ones. Both approaches are valid. Here are a few ideas to consider:
- Modify existing traditions: If you’ve always hosted a big dinner, consider making it a potluck or keeping it smaller this year.
- Create a new tradition in their memory: Start something that honors your loved one, like donating in their name.
- Take a year off from holiday festivities: It’s okay to press pause.
- Allow moments of joy without guilt: If you find yourself enjoying a moment, know that it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about them or moved on.
Where to find holiday grief support
You don’t have to navigate grief alone. Whether you’re grieving a family member, a friend, or the loss of a pet, support is available.
- Lean on your support systems: Reach out to someone you trust. Even a short, honest conversation can feel like taking a weight off your emotional load.
- Join a grief support group: Many communities and online platforms offer support groups where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
- Talk with a therapist: A licensed mental health professional can offer a safe space to explore your feelings and develop personalized coping tools. You can browse therapists at findmytherapist.com to find someone who feels like the right fit for your needs.
The Dougy Center, a national organization for grieving children and families, offers helpful grief resources for people of all ages.
Supporting someone who is grieving
If someone you care about is grieving this holiday season, it may be hard to know what to say or do. While you can’t take away their pain, your presence and understanding can matter. Here are some compassionate ways to support a grieving loved one:
- Reach out, even if you’re not sure what to say: A simple, “I’m thinking of you,” or “I’m here if you want to talk” can go a long way.
- Offer specific help: Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering something concrete. For example, “Can I drop off dinner?“
- Honor their grief: Let them talk about their loved one when they’re ready. Avoid trying to “cheer them up.“
- Be okay with silence: Just sitting with someone and allowing space for their feelings can be comforting.
- Check in after the holidays: Holiday grief can linger after the season ends.
Remember, there’s no quick fix for grief. However, your compassion, consistency, and patience can be a helpful source of comfort as they move through this difficult time.
Takeaway
Grief is a process that takes time and looks different for everyone. You do not have to force yourself to feel festive or hide your pain to make other people comfortable. Many people describe healing not as forgetting, but as finding ways to carry memories and love forward, even as life changes. Some days may feel especially hard, while other moments may bring unexpected peace. Both are part of the journey.
If you’re looking for someone to talk to, exploring therapy can be a helpful way to take care of yourself through this season and beyond. Visit findmytherapist.com to connect with a licensed therapist who can support you through the stages of grief.