Grief can be complex and confusing, especially when your emotions seem to pull you in many different directions. One moment, you may find yourself overwhelmed by memories, sadness, or longing for the person you’ve lost. Next, you might find yourself laughing at a joke or enjoying time with a friend. For some people, these shifts can bring up questions like, “Why am I feeling this way?” or even guilt for having moments when the pain momentarily doesn’t feel so heavy. That’s where the dual process model of grief comes in.
The dual process model of grief offers a different way of understanding these experiences. Rather than viewing grief as a straight path that moves steadily from sadness toward healing, this model suggests that people naturally move back and forth between focusing on their loss and engaging with everyday life. Understanding this perspective can help normalize the ups and downs of grief and remind us that healing doesn’t mean leaving our loved ones behind; it means learning how to carry the loss while continuing on.
What is the dual process model of grief?
The dual process model of grief was developed by researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut to explain how people adapt to loss over time. According to the model, grieving involves an oscillation between two different types of stressors: loss-oriented and restoration-oriented.
- Loss-oriented stressors: Related directly to the loss itself. This might involve thinking about the person who died, revisiting memories, experiencing sadness, or reflecting on the meaning of the relationship.
- Restoration-oriented stressors: Related to adapting to life after the loss. This can include learning new responsibilities, adjusting routines, managing practical challenges, or finding new ways to move forward.
In some cases, people are adjusting to more than the loss itself. Grief can bring secondary losses, such as changes in identity, financial stability, family roles, future plans, or daily routines. These changes can create additional losses or secondary stressors that require attention alongside the emotional experience of the stages of grief.
An important aspect of this model is that it recognizes that people don’t stay in one mode all the time. Instead, they naturally move between the two depending on their needs, circumstances, and emotional capacity. This back-and-forth movement is considered an expected part of the grieving process.
Loss and restoration-oriented experiences
According to the model, some ways people naturally engage with both aspects of grief include:
- Loss-oriented experiences
- Looking at photographs or keepsakes
- Talking about memories
- Visiting meaningful places
- Reflecting on the relationship
- Restoration-oriented experiences
- Learning new responsibilities
- Reconnecting with friends and family
- Exploring hobbies and interests
- Solving practical problems related to the loss
The amount of time someone spends focused on loss-oriented or restoration-oriented coping can vary from person to person and may change throughout the grieving process.
How does the dual process model work?
The dual process model helps explain why grief can feel so inconsistent from day to day and why people often shift between confronting loss and focusing on everyday demands. You may spend one morning looking through old photographs and feeling overwhelmed by memories, then spend the afternoon focused on errands or work. According to the model, both experiences serve a necessary purpose.
This perspective can be helpful for people who:
- Feel guilty when they experience moments of relief
- Worry that they’re not grieving in the right way
- Feel torn between mourning and moving forward
- Notice that their grieving looks different from others
- Struggle to understand why their emotions seem to change so quickly
This model suggests that these experiences are normal and that coping with grief often involves oscillating movement between remembering and rebuilding.
Examples of the dual process model of grief
Sometimes it can be easier to understand the dual process model through real-life examples.
1. Losing a parent
Imagine someone who recently lost a parent. One evening, they come across an old voicemail recording and hear their parent’s voice for the first time in months. They feel a sudden wave of sadness, cry, and spend time thinking about cherished memories. This would be an example of loss-oriented coping.
The next day, that same person attends a family gathering, catches up with relatives, and finds themselves smiling during a conversation. While the grief hasn’t disappeared, they’re engaging in restoration-oriented activities that help them heal.
2. Losing a spouse or partner
After the loss of a spouse, someone might spend part of the morning looking through wedding photographs and reflecting on years of shared experiences. Feelings of longing, sadness, and remembrance would represent loss-oriented coping.
Later that afternoon, they may learn how to manage household tasks their spouse previously handled, such as lawn care or home maintenance. These adjustments represent restoration-oriented coping.
How to cope with losing someone
While there is no universal roadmap for grief, the dual process model highlights the importance of allowing space for both mourning and adaptation. Rather than expecting yourself to remain in one emotional state, it may be helpful to recognize that moving between grief-focused experiences and everyday life is often part of that process.
Some people explore different coping strategies or coping skills throughout the grieving process. What feels helpful may change over time as well, and that’s okay.
Examples of commonly discussed approaches include:
- Journaling about thoughts and emotions
- Writing a letter to the person who died
- Reading books or educational resources about grief
- Creating art through drawing, painting, music, or writing
- Spending time with supportive friends and family
- Participating in support groups or online communities for grief
- Prioritizing self-care practices
- Seeking professional support when needed
The dual process model also helps explain why there can be value in both remembering the loss and engaging with life outside of it. A person may spend one day deeply mourning and the next day focused on practical responsibilities or meaningful activities. Neither experience invalidates the other.
Although the dual process model was originally developed to understand bereavement after a death, it’s also important to note that grief doesn’t always begin after a loss. Some people experience anticipatory grief while caring for or supporting a loved one with a terminal illness. During this time, they may find themselves moving between sadness, denial, worry, practical responsibilities, and moments of everyday life. The dual process model of grief can help explain these experiences by recognizing that people often shift between confronting difficult emotions and focusing on the tasks and routines that continue around them.
How grief counseling can help
Grief can affect people in different ways, and there is no single timeline for healing. For some individuals, talking with a licensed mental health professional can provide a supportive space to process emotions and navigate life after loss.
Therapy may also help people:
- Understand their unique grief response
- Explore emotions related to the loss
- Develop personalized coping approaches
- Navigate changes in identity, relationships, and family dynamics
- Address challenges related to daily functioning
- Process complicated emotions that may arise during grief
Grief counseling is not about “getting over” a loss. Instead, it often focuses on helping people find ways to carry their loss while continuing to engage with life in meaningful ways.
Takeaway
The dual process model of grief can offer a compassionate reminder that grief is rarely linear. This model suggests that people naturally move between loss-oriented experiences that focus on the person or relationship they’ve lost and restoration-oriented experiences that focus on adapting to life after loss. This oscillation between the two is considered a healthy and important part of grieving.
If you’re navigating grief, understanding the dual process model may help normalize the changing emotions and experiences that may accompany loss. Whether you’re spending time remembering a loved one, rebuilding routines, seeking support, or simply taking things one day at a time, grief doesn’t have to follow a specific path.
If you’re interested in additional support, exploring local therapy options can be a supportive next step. Visit findmytherapist.com to find a grief counselor or therapist near you who can walk alongside you through the grieving process.