Grief is a natural and complex response to the loss of something or someone. While most often associated with the loss of a loved one, grief can arise from many types of losses. This can include the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even the transition out of a home or lifestyle. Experiencing grief is not limited to one emotional state; it is a dynamic process that can affect your mind, body, and overall well-being.

Recognizing and understanding the stages of grief can help both those coping with loss and those supporting someone who is mourning. The Kübler-Ross model, developed by grief expert Elisabeth Kübler-Ross nearly 50 years ago, outlines the 5 stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — offering a framework for understanding this emotional journey.

What is grief?

Grief is the emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical response to loss. It can include sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, or confusion, and it may manifest as fatigue, trouble sleeping, or physical aches. Everyone experiences grief differently, and it often appears in waves, with emotions ebbing and flowing unpredictably.

Understanding grief is important for coping effectively with grief and loss. While grief is normal, prolonged grief disorder or complicated grief may benefit from professional support to help individuals move through the mourning process in healthy ways.

What are the stages of grief?

The stages of grief provide a framework for understanding the emotional journey of loss. According to the Kübler-Ross model, these stages are not linear. Individuals may experience them in different orders, revisit stages, or skip some entirely.

Here’s a detailed look at each stage, along with examples to illustrate how they may appear in everyday life.

Stage 1: Denial and isolation

Denial is often the first reaction to loss. It can act as a protective buffer, giving people time to gradually absorb the reality of the situation. During this stage of grief, it can feel difficult to accept what has happened.

Examples of denial:

  • Avoiding conversations about a loved one’s death or a major life change.
  • Thinking, “This isn’t real” or “It can’t be happening to me.“
  • Withdrawing from social interactions to avoid confronting the truth.

Stage 2: Anger

Once denial fades, anger can emerge. Anger is a natural response to the frustration and injustice of loss. It can be directed at oneself, others, or circumstances beyond control.

Examples of anger:

  • Feeling resentful toward others who seem to move on quickly.
  • Asking, “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?“
  • Experiencing irritability or sudden emotional outbursts linked to the loss.

Stage 3: Bargaining

Bargaining involves attempting to regain control or change the outcome of a loss as a defense against helplessness. People may negotiate with themselves, others, or even a higher power in hopes of reversing the situation.

Examples of bargaining:

  • Thinking, “If only I had more time with them…“
  • Mentally replaying events and wishing to change past actions.
  • Making promises or deals with oneself or a higher power in exchange for relief from grief.
  • Ruminating over the details of a loss, seeking to understand, and wishing to go back and change the past in hopes of preventing the loss.

Stage 4: Depression

Depression is a natural stage of grief in which the full weight of loss is felt. Deep sadness, emptiness, sorrow, anguish, mental pain, or despair can be common, along with physical symptoms such as fatigue or appetite changes.

Examples of depression:

  • Feeling numb or overwhelmed by sadness.
  • Losing interest in hobbies or activities once enjoyed.
  • Experiencing emotional or physical exhaustion as part of the mourning process.

Stage 5: Acceptance

Acceptance represents coming to terms with a loss. This stage does not mean the pain disappears, but reflects the ability to adjust to life after loss. Grief can persist in waves even after acceptance, and it can be triggered by reminders or anniversaries.

Examples of acceptance:

  • Honoring the memory of a loved one while engaging in daily life.
  • Developing new routines that accommodate life changes.
  • Returning to hobbies or activities once enjoyed.

It is important to note that accepting a loss does not necessarily mean the person is no longer grieving. In fact, many grief experts say that grief can continue for a lifetime after a major loss, and coping with the loss can become easier over time.

Are there 5 or 7 stages of grief?

The traditional Kübler-Ross model identifies five stages of grief, but some modern approaches expand the framework to include six or seven stages. For example, grief expert David Kessler introduced a sixth stage: finding meaning. In his book, “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief,” Kessler chronicles his personal experience with grief after the death of his son and describes how, beyond acceptance of the loss, finding meaning in the wake of a loss can bring hope and healing to the bereaved.

Other models may include stages such as shock and guilt. While terminology varies, all models underscore a central truth: grief is highly individual and non-linear.

How long does each stage last?

There is no set timeline for grieving. Stages can last hours, days, months, or even years. Multiple stages may be experienced at once. Understanding that grief is fluid reduces the pressure to “move on” quickly and allows for self-compassion throughout the mourning process.

Therapy for grief and loss

Therapy can help support people coping with grief by:

  • Helping process complex emotions surrounding loss
  • Offering strategies for managing waves of grief
  • Addressing both emotional and physical aspects of grief
  • Providing guidance for moving forward

If you’re looking for support with grief and loss, visit findmytherapist.com to find a therapist specializing in grief near you.

Takeaway

Grief is a personal, evolving journey. The 5 stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — offer a framework for understanding it. Everyone experiences grief differently, and seeking support can help navigate the complex emotions of mourning, grief, and loss. By acknowledging the process and seeking professional mental health support when needed, it is possible to heal and find hope after loss.