When mental health challenges enter a relationship, they can create ripple effects that impact every aspect of your partnership. Often, depression affects both the individual experiencing it and the people they love. It can lead to misunderstandings, increased conflict, and a sense of helplessness on both sides. The good news is that with patience, understanding, and the right approach, couples can emerge stronger together.

In this blog, we will explore the ways depression impacts relationships and practical strategies for couples facing mental health challenges. Whether you’re dealing with your own struggles or supporting someone through theirs, recognizing the signs and learning healthy coping strategies can make a difference in preserving your connection.

Why does my relationship make me feel depressed?

Relationships can sometimes contribute to feelings of emotional distress. It’s important to understand that feeling down, whether in general or about your relationship, doesn’t automatically mean you’re in an unhappy relationship. Several factors can contribute to feeling depressed in your relationship including:

  • Communication breakdowns that leave you feeling misunderstood or emotionally disconnected
  • Unresolved conflicts that pile up over time, creating tension and negativity
  • Financial stress from job loss, debt, or other money-related pressures
  • Major life transitions like moving, growing families, or career transitions
  • External pressures from work or family
  • Past experiences and attachment styles that make someone more sensitive to perceived rejection or abandonment
  • Mismatched expectations about roles, responsibilities, or the relationship’s direction

Research indicates that the impact depression has on a relationship is multifaceted. A 2015 study highlighted how depression can diminish emotional, romantic, and communicative aspects of relationships. This often results in isolation, lack of motivation, and increased dependence on the relationship. This may lead to more misunderstandings and hindered intimacy. In fact, couples dealing with depression are nine times more likely to divorce.

Recognizing when your partner may be struggling

Understanding the signs that your partner may be experiencing depression is important in providing support. These signs can be subtle and they may develop gradually:

  • Withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed
  • Spending more time alone or isolating from friends and family
  • Sleeping much more or much less
  • Eating much more or much less
  • Decreased interest in socializing
  • Neglecting personal hygiene
  • Persistent sadness, irritability, or mood swings
  • Expressions of hopelessness or worthlessness
  • Increased sensitivity to criticism
  • Seeming distracted or disconnected during interactions
  • Frequent headaches or unexplained aches and pains
  • Decreased interest in physical intimacy or affection

When signs persist for weeks or months, or when they significantly impact daily functioning, it may be time to consider professional mental health support.

What to say to someone who is depressed

The key to communicating with a partner with depression is to approach conversations with empathy and compassion. Examples of supportive phrases to use include:

  • “I’ve noticed you seem to be struggling lately, and I want you to know I’m here for you.“
  • “What would be most helpful for you right now?“
  • “I can see that this is really difficult for you.“
  • “I love you.“
  • “Your feelings are valid, and I’m here to listen.“

Phrases to avoid include:

  • “Look on the bright side.“
  • “You just need to get over it.“
  • “You’re being too sensitive.“
  • “Why can’t you just be happy?“
  • “You’re bringing everyone down.“

Coping when your partner has depression

Living with a partner with depression can be overwhelming, but developing healthy coping strategies can support your well-being and your relationship. Coping strategies you can use to create a safe space for you and your partner include:

  • Create stability and routine: Establish daily routines like regular meal times and bedtime routines. Plan shared activities that provide connection and normalcy.
  • Prioritize your mental health: Maintain friendships outside the relationship and engage in activities that bring you joy. Consider joining a support group for partners of people with depression or seeking therapy on your own to process your feelings.
  • Maintain healthy boundaries: Communicate your needs clearly. Set standards for how you’re treated while showing compassion.
  • Help your partner seek support: Offer to help them research local therapists, support groups, or other mental health resources. Attend appointments together if your partner wants additional support.

Research emphasizes the significant role of supportive relationships in mitigating feelings of hopelessness and despair with depressive symptoms.

How to be a better partner when you’re depressed

If you’re experiencing depression in your relationship, you may feel like you’re failing as a partner or that you’re dragging your partner down with you. These feelings often don’t reflect reality. With intentional effort and self-compassion, you can maintain a loving relationship while taking care of your mental health:

  • Communicate openly about your feelings: Share your feelings with your partner. Use phrases like, “I’m having a tough day, but I want you to know it doesn’t have anything to do with you.” Be honest about your emotional state and communicate what you need.
  • Be transparent about your needs: Communicate when tasks feel overwhelming rather than letting them pile up. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Use phrases like, “I’m feeling really tired today, can you help with dinner?“
  • Practice self-awareness: Notice when you’re feeling more irritable or sad than usual. Pay attention to your engagement in conversations and recognize when you’re withdrawing.
  • Show appreciation for your partner’s support: Make an effort to reciprocate support when you’re able to. This may look like, “thank you for being patient with me,” or “I appreciate you listening when I need to talk.“
  • Take ownership of your mental health: Attend therapy sessions consistently and practice self-care strategies recommended by your therapist.

Building emotional resilience together

Strengthening your relationship while navigating depression requires building emotional resilience as a team. This can involve developing skills and strategies that help both partners cope with challenges and maintain their connection, even during difficult times.

Create consistent rituals for connection:

  • Daily check-ins where you share one thing you’re grateful for each day
  • Planning a date night each week, even if it’s just watching a movie at home
  • Take a regular nature walk together

Develop communication tools and strategies:

  • Develop code words that signal when someone needs extra support or alone time
  • Practice “emotional check-ins”
  • Learn to recognize and respect each other’s attachment styles

Build empathy and understanding:

  • Try to understand your partner’s perspective, even when it differs from yours
  • Practice patience when tasks that seem simple feel overwhelming for your partner
  • Ask questions to better understand

Celebrate progress:

  • Acknowledge small improvements
  • Keep a gratitude journal together to focus on positive moments
  • Celebrate days when your depressed spouse or partner engages in activities

Having the emotional support from a partner can mitigate the impact of depression.

Takeaway

The journey of supporting a partner with depression or managing your own mental health within a relationship requires ongoing effort and commitment from both people. There will be good days and more challenging days, but with the right approach, couples can emerge from these experiences feeling more resilient.

If you’re finding it difficult to navigate relationship issues, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist or couples therapist who can provide personalized support for your specific situation.