Have you ever felt like you’re just going through the motions of life? Not necessarily depressed, but not really thriving either? Maybe you show up, you get things done, but you feel a lingering sense that something is missing. This state has a name: languishing. Fortunately, if you’re wondering how to stop languishing, there are tips to help you find joy.
There are ways to reclaim a sense of purpose and direction. One of the most powerful antidotes is something psychologists call “flow.” Flow is more than just being busy; it’s the state of being fully absorbed in an activity. Time can seem to disappear, and self-consciousness can seem to fade. If you’re wondering how to stop languishing, understanding and cultivating flow can help.
What is languishing?
Languishing is a state of low mental well-being that sits somewhere between feeling depressed and flourishing. Psychologist Adam Grant popularized the term to describe the “void” many people feel when life is neither bad nor particularly good. It may just feel stagnant.
People who are languishing may feel:
- Stuck or a lack of direction
- Unmotivated or unenthusiastic
- Disconnected from their work, relationships, or hobbies
What is flow?
Flow theory, introduced by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the 1970s, refers to a psychological state where you are completely immersed in an activity. When you’re in flow, you’re “in the zone.” You may feel fully present and highly focused.
People in a flow state may experience:
- Loss of track of time or time blindness
- Heightened creativity and performance
- Deep satisfaction and intrinsic motivation
It’s important to note that flow is not always easy to achieve. There’s an additional concept, known as anti-flow, which reflects activities that actively block absorption and engagement. Anti-flow can include activities like passive escapism (doomscrolling, binge-watching shows) or multi-tasking. These activities can make languishing worse because they offer distraction without meaningful engagement.
How to stop languishing and find flow
Psychologist Adam Grant identifies three essential components that make flow a powerful tool against languishing: mastery, mindfulness, and mattering.
1. Mastery
Languishing can feel like stagnation. It can also feel like being stuck without progress. One way to combat this is through mastery: engaging in activities that allow you to improve, achieve, or make incremental progress.
- Progress doesn’t have to mean productivity; it can be joyful.
- Small wins count. This can include learning a new skill, picking up a new hobby, finishing a craft project, or even perfecting a cooking technique. These small wins can trigger a sense of accomplishment.
- The key is balancing your skill with the challenge at hand. If it’s too easy, it can feel boring. If it’s too hard, it can become frustrating.
2. Mindfulness
Flow requires focus, uninterrupted by distractions. In our age of constant notifications, attention spans may shrink because of it. Carving out blocks for deep attention can feel challenging, but they are important.
- Turn off notifications and create a quiet environment.
- Engage fully with the task or activity, whether it’s writing, drawing, exercising, or coding.
- Mindfulness in this context isn’t about meditation; it’s about being fully present in whatever activity you choose.
3. Mattering
Flow is not just individual; it can be communal. Feeling you matter to others, that your efforts make a difference, can contribute to your overall well-being.
- Meaningful social interactions, such as a deep conversation, collaborative project, or volunteer work, can create a state of flow.
- Knowing that your contribution impacts others can help replace languishing with purpose and connection.
Examples of flow activities
Finding flow is personal, but here are some examples to inspire your own:
- Creative arts: Painting, writing, photography, or playing a musical instrument
- Physical activity: Running, dancing, yoga, or team sports
- Skill-building: Cooking, coding, learning a language, or gardening
- Focused work: Tackling a challenging project, strategic problem-solving
- Social engagement: Volunteering, mentoring, or meaningful conversation
It can be helpful to try to avoid anti-flow activities, such as endless social media scrolling, passive binge-watching, or multi-tasking during what could be deep focus time. These might feel like relaxation in the moment, but they may not provide the engagement that can help lift you out of languishing.
Takeaway
Languishing doesn’t have to be a permanent state. By understanding flow and intentionally cultivating it through mastery, mindfulness, and mattering, you can reclaim your sense of purpose and joy. It can be helpful to avoid passive escapism, prioritize focus time, and look for activities that challenge and engage you.
If you’re struggling to navigate the feeling of languishing or want support in finding flow in your life, a licensed therapist can help. Schedule an appointment instantly on findmytherapist.com.