Feeling lonely isn’t just about being alone; it’s about feeling disconnected, unseen, or misunderstood. You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. Loneliness can arise when there’s a gap between the level of connection you’re looking for and what you’re actually experiencing.

While loneliness can be temporary, chronic loneliness can have a more profound impact. It can impact your emotional and physical health. Understanding the signs, causes, and ways to overcome loneliness can help you start to feel more connected again.

Signs of loneliness

Loneliness doesn’t always look the same for everyone, but there are some common signs that may indicate you’re struggling with feeling lonely:

  • Frequently feeling sad, empty, or disconnected from others
  • Difficulty relating to people
  • Withdrawing from social situations
  • Making excuses to stay home
  • Feeling like no one really “gets” you
  • Increased screen time or doomscrolling as a substitute for connection
  • Changes in appetite, energy, or sleep patterns

If you recognize these signs, you’re not alone. Many people who experience feeling lonely also describe it as a sense of feeling invisible or emotionally isolated, even in familiar environments.

Causes of loneliness

There isn’t one single cause of loneliness. It can arise from many different circumstances, habits, or beliefs. Some common causes include:

  • Major life changes such as moving, changing jobs, or ending a relationship.
  • Grief or loss, which can leave a void.
  • Low self-esteem or shame, which can make connecting with others more challenging.
  • Social media comparison, where seeing others’ “highlight reels” can amplify feelings of disconnection.
  • Mental health challenges, such as depression, which can reinforce loneliness.
  • Physical health changes or limited mobility that reduce opportunities for interaction.

When loneliness becomes chronic or long-lasting, it can evolve into a cycle. The more disconnected you feel, the harder it may become to reach out for support.

Why do I self-isolate?

It’s not uncommon to want to pull away from others when you’re struggling with loneliness. Sometimes, self-isolation feels safer than risking rejection or vulnerability.

Understanding your reasons for self-isolating can be the first step toward change. It may be helpful to ask yourself:

  • Am I avoiding connection because I don’t feel worthy of it?
  • Do I fear being misunderstood or judged?
  • Am I protecting myself from potential hurt?

Self-isolation may feel protective in the moment, but it can deepen feelings of loneliness over time. Small steps, such as joining a class or talking to a therapist, can help you gently open the door back to connection.

Effects of loneliness

Loneliness doesn’t just affect your emotions; it can impact your whole body. Research has shown links between loneliness and:

Addressing loneliness early, through connection, self-care, or therapy, can have a meaningful impact on your overall well-being.

The connection between loneliness and depression

Loneliness and depression can be intertwined, and each can fuel or intensify the other. When you feel isolated or disconnected, it’s not uncommon for sadness to follow. Likewise, when you’re experiencing depression, it may be harder to find the motivation or energy to connect with others, which can lead to isolation.

Breaking this cycle often starts with awareness and gentle self-compassion. Therapy, mindfulness practices, and intentional connection can help rebuild both emotional resilience and social confidence.

If your loneliness feels heavy or persistent, it’s important to know that professional help can make a difference. A licensed therapist can help you understand the patterns keeping you stuck and guide you toward meaningful connections.

4 tips to overcome loneliness

1. Get to know yourself

Loneliness is often a state of mind — a reflection of how you see yourself and your place in the world. Try to explore your beliefs about connection and self-worth. Are there stories you tell yourself that keep you disconnected?

Journaling can help uncover these patterns. Even five minutes a day of honest reflection can help you understand what’s holding you back and what you truly need to feel connected.

2. Find your people

Once you know yourself better, you can start building connections that feel authentic. Think about your interests and values and seek out communities that align with them. This might mean joining a club, volunteering, or deepening the relationships you already have.

Connection can grow from authenticity. The more you allow yourself to be seen as you truly are, the more likely you are to find the people who make you feel safe and understood.

3. Practice gratitude

Loneliness can grow from focusing on what’s missing. Gratitude shifts your attention to what you already have. Try writing down three things you’re thankful for each day — even small moments count.

Over time, gratitude helps retrain your mind to notice abundance instead of lack, reducing the mental space loneliness tends to occupy.

4. Keep learning

Learning can be healing. Read books, listen to podcasts, or talk with people who inspire you. Understanding yourself and others better can bridge the gap between your expectations and your reality.

How to be okay with being alone

Learning to enjoy your own company can help you feel more grounded and independent. Try spending time doing activities that bring you peace and joy. For example, you could go for a walk, read a book, practice mindfulness meditation, or try a new creative hobby.

The goal isn’t to avoid connection, but to create a sense of contentment that doesn’t solely rely on others.

Therapy for loneliness

If you’re struggling with feeling lonely, therapy can help you understand what’s contributing to your feelings and how to create more fulfilling relationships. A licensed therapist can support you in:

  • Identifying negative thought patterns that reinforce feelings of loneliness
  • Building self-esteem and communication skills
  • Processing past experiences that make it hard to trust or connect with others
  • Finding ways to reconnect with yourself and others

Start therapy

If you’re feeling lonely, coping skills and self-care may help. However, if you’re still struggling, help is available. Talking with a licensed therapist can provide the insight, support, and connection you need.

Find a therapist near you at findmytherapist.com.