As summer fades and backpacks are pulled out of closets, many parents find themselves navigating more than just school supply lists. Some parents are also supporting a child who is feeling anxious about returning to school. Whether it’s the fear of separating from home, worries about friendships, or pressure to keep up academically, school-year transitions can be a real source of stress for kids and parents.
The good news is that with planning, empathy, and the right tools, you can help ease your child’s worries before they escalate. This blog is designed for parents who want to be proactive, especially if this year marks a big shift, like starting a new school or entering a new grade level.
In this blog, you will learn compassionate, therapist-informed strategies for a calmer start to the school year. We will walk through what anxiety can look like in children of different ages, and how you can gently support a smoother, more confident transition into the school year.
What is back-to-school anxiety?
Anxiety doesn’t always look like nervousness or tears. Sometimes, it can manifest as stomachaches, trouble sleeping, irritability, or even resistance to talking about school. How anxiety presents can vary by age:
- Preschool & early elementary (ages 3–7): You may see clinginess at drop-off, regression (like bedwetting or tantrums), or fears about being away from home.
- Late elementary to middle school (ages 8–13): Kids might worry more about friendships, academic performance, or fitting in. Watch for perfectionism, avoidance, or somatic complaints like headaches.
- Teens (ages 14+): Older kids may be more internal with their anxiety. They might seem moody, withdrawn, or overly critical of themselves. Social and academic pressures can heighten during this stage.
Whatever age your child is, the key is to respond with connection, not correction. Your goal isn’t to eliminate all anxiety; that’s impossible, but to equip your child with the tools to face it.
Ways to help anxious kids transition back to school
1. Start the conversation early and keep it open
Don’t wait until the night before school starts to check in. Begin talking about school gently a few weeks in advance. Ask open-ended questions like:
- “What are you most excited or nervous about this year?”
- “What would help you feel more ready for school?”
Normalize their feelings without trying to “fix” them right away. A simple “That makes sense. A lot of kids feel that way,” can go a long way in helping your child feel seen and supported.
2. Preview and practice
Children feel more in control when they know what to expect. As a parent, you can help reduce back-to-school anxiety through exposure and familiarity:
- Drive by or visit their school before the first day.
- Practice their morning routine, including waking up, getting dressed, and packing lunch.
- Walk through their daily schedule with younger kids or those entering a new school.
- Role-play scenarios like asking their teacher a question or finding their locker.
These “dry runs” help shrink the unknowns, which often fuel anxiety.
3. Build a coping toolbox
Before school starts, teach (and practice!) calming strategies at home so your child can draw on them during tough moments. A few go-to coping tools for children and teens include:
- Deep breathing: Try “smell the flower, blow out the candle.”
- Grounding techniques: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
- Worry journals or drawings: This can be helpful for kids who like to write or create.
- Positive mantras: Help your child come up with affirmations like “I can handle hard things.”
Make it playful, and use visuals or crafts to create a “calm kit” they can use at home or even take in their backpack.
4. Model calm, even when you’re not feeling it
Kids take their cues from you. If you’re anxious, they’re more likely to be, too. That doesn’t mean you have to fake it, but do try to regulate your own emotions in the moment.
- Use a calm, steady voice when talking about school.
- Avoid over-reassuring (“You’ll be fine!”), and instead focus on confidence-building (“You’ve done new things before, and you can do this too.”).
- Name your own coping strategies out loud. For example, “I’m feeling a little nervous about the busy week ahead, so I’m taking a few deep breaths to help myself reset.”
5. Create consistent, soothing routines
Routines provide predictability, and predictability can reduce anxiety.
- Start a school-year bedtime routine at least a week before school starts.
- Use visual schedules or checklists for younger kids.
- Build in connection points, like a morning cuddle, a lunchbox note, or a short chat before bed.
Even small rituals can become powerful anchors of calm in your child’s day.
6. Know when to seek extra support
Back-to-school jitters are normal, especially in the first few weeks. If anxiety is intense, long-lasting, or interfering with your child’s ability to function, it may be time to speak with a school counselor, pediatrician, or child therapist.
Some red flags to watch for:
- Persistent refusal to go to school
- Frequent physical complaints without a clear cause
- Extreme distress at drop-off that doesn’t ease with time
- Sleep disturbances or changes in appetite
- Withdrawal from friends or activities they usually enjoy
There’s no shame in needing extra help, and getting support early can prevent bigger struggles later down the line.
A final word to parents
Transitions are tough for kids and parents alike, but you don’t have to handle them perfectly. Showing up with empathy, presence, and patience is often more than enough.
Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate all discomfort. The goal is to help your child build the confidence and resilience to move through it. With your steady support, they’ll discover they’re stronger than they think.
Here’s to a school year full of growth, connection, and calm.
Looking for more personalized support? If your child is struggling with back-to-school anxiety and you want to explore therapy, don’t hesitate to reach out. You’re not alone, and help is available.